Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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