is your mom at the bar?
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
