New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just blew my weed a kiss
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
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