HIV tests are more positive than that guy
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
