I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
