i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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