peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
