I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
