apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
