You're completely useless in the revolution.
I think my fart just growled at me.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
