are you still at the devil's house?
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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