Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Vodka?
Forever.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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