His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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