you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
