It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
