whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
