Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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