do herpes really smell.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
