I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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