hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize