I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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