so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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