you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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