So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
