it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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