There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
