Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
