I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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