did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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