never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
