capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
