I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
