she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
