I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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