I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
