probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
