so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
