Betty ford says i'm here all night
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
