The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
