I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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