we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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