He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
