I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
