Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
she pinky promised me she was 18
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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