The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
time to smoke my breakfast
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
