Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
