The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize