i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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