My liver just broke up with me...
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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