You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Randomize
