i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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