I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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