Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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