Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
