I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
