I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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