I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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