guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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