my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
