is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
me + whiskey = a bad person
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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