I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
