i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
he fucked my hip out of place.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
