OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize