Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
