the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
