Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
