I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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