What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
