i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
