I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
People with herpes should wear stickers.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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